In a recent study, women preferred a penis size of six and one half inches in partners in a long term
In a different recent study, the average American Caucasian penis has been determined to be five and one half inches long, which means that according to the above study the average man comes up short (I told you there would be more puns). The good news, gentlemen, is that it isn't necessary to retire that undersized pride and joy of yours just yet.
As you might expect, I have several thoughts. Some of them are rather random. My first thought was that this is some kind of karmic retribution for men, back in the day at least, preferring women with larger breasts. If that's the case, it's a kind of delayed karmic retribution because for the last couple decades it would seem that the trend has been for men to prefer anorexic women who have the body of a twelve year old boy. What's more, it's not exactly analogous because there are reliable cosmetic methods to increase breast size and breasts are not genitals. In any event, it's probably fitting that men should now be evaluated by some standard over which they have no control - as women have been for centuries.
The second is that, back when I was your age, the imaginative male lover had more than his penis in his bag of tricks. I don't care what size a man's penis is, if his idea of being an effective lover is just hopping on top and thrusting then there are going to be problems. What's more, many women are not orgasmic from vaginal stimulation alone, so the idea expressed in the article that the ideal penis size leads more easily to orgasm cannot be universally true.
Then there is labiaplasty, a cosmetic procedure for those who feel their vagina has a few too many miles on it and wish to make it appear young again. In this procedure, the labia minora are reshaped, actually decreased, so that they don't extend beyond the labia majora (the fatty "pads" on either side of the vulva). There is thought that the concern about this is fueled by the prominence of shaving and waxing and the desire to have genitals that appear prepubescent. The risks include scarring, which it seems to me would defeat the whole purpose. There is no functional purpose for the surgery except in extremely rare cases. There has been no research on the long term effects of this procedure, but researchers are suggesting that the impact on childbirth may be the same as that of ritualistic genital mutilation!
I don't claim to be any expert, falling way short of achieving even one percent of Wilt Chamberlain's collection of lifetime lovers, but I haven't lived in a monastery, either, and I have also spent my share of time in men's locker rooms. I can tell you from my experience both that, the preamble to the Constitution notwithstanding, neither all men nor all women are created equal. I can also tell you that, both in my experience and the experience of many people I have discussed this topic with, satisfying sexual experiences have had nothing to do with the particulars of the other person's equipment, if you will. Fatigue, stress, illness, distraction, and even the weather have had a lot more impact on my sexual encounters that a millimeter here or there more or less of labia minora!
What in the world is going on? What's going on is a massive confusion between orgasm, physical appearance, physical pleasure, and intimacy.
I have written in other places about a nurse I used to work with who remarked that penises were quite ugly.
I believe that the reason we are seeing all of this concentration on the physicality of sexuality is that we have lost the spiritual connection that fuels intimacy. What has replaced it is a lot of nonsense like so-called shamanistic sexuality, tantric sexuality, and just about every article published in the Elephant Journal. Even more absurd are the abstinence only folks, who place so much emphasis on the fable that waiting for marriage guarantees satisfying sexuality that they do nothing but set people up first for frustration and later for disappointment. Is there a spiritual component to sexuality? Absolutely, but not necessarily.
If we are using sexuality to escape something, or to pass the time, or to do anything but foster intimacy we both ignore that there is an exchange of spiritual energy and miss the opportunity for the fullness of spiritual union. Contemporary society seeks to provide the full richness of an intimate sexual relationship, which takes time and commitment to build, in the instant coffee world of hook ups and tape measures - and it simply doesn't work, because it cannot work.
From CDs that promise the deep meditation the Dalai Lama experiences, to drug induced spiritual states, to
In fact, if you want to develop intimacy in the bedroom you would do well to develop intimacy outside the bedroom first. There is, of course, that early phase in relationships when you can't get enough of one another, but that wears off. I believe the purpose of that initial strong physical attraction is to allow time for heart intimacy to develop. As we share our feelings, beliefs, and attitudes and develop a cache of shared experience, our relationships deepen and heart intimacy develops. It is precisely our willingness to work at that part of our relationships that predicts our deepening physical and sexual intimacy. What's more, as we age and sexual intimacy wanes, it is our heart intimacy that will sustain our relationship through the years. So put away your penis pumps, your Elmer's glue and glitter, and cancel your surgical consult. Have a conversation instead. You may be amazed at what develops!